Activity - Swimming
Time: 12:00
Notes:
MY FIRST REAL ACTIVITY IN A MONTH AND A HALF!!!!! Ok, it was only 12 minutes but I felt human again. Pure bliss.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Mile 4 of my Cancer Marathon
Mile 4 of the marathon is the start of the “easy” miles. It’s only called the easy miles because the pace is comfortable. But heck, you are still running a marathon, and that’s not easy! It’s important to be careful during this period to not push the pace too much or you will feel it later. And of course, be on the lookout for any hills or other obstacles that might pop up.
I had my first round of chemo on March 26. After each chemo infusion, you get a 3 week “rest” period. I use quotes around the word rest because it’s not like you are sipping pina coladas by the pool during this time.
The first few days afterwards you get predosone, a steroid pill, to boost you up. I was really hoping the ‘roids would give me the sprinting speed of Marion Jones or the capacity to go all ‘roid rage on annoying clients at work, but I really didn’t notice their impact at all. Bummer.
You are supposed to feel progressively better over the three weeks. I did not and actually felt worse as time went on. I probably did too much and caught a bad cold from my germ monsters, I mean children, which turned into a sinus infection. Normally, these maladies would be an inconvenience but due to the circumstances they knocked me on my butt.
The impact was both physical and mental. The physical can be dealt with with good drugs but the mental is a little tougher. I’ve had several minor illnesses since my diagnosis and they have all been really tough to deal with mentally. I think my mind is an all-out war with the cancer and there’s just not much more fight for anything else. So even a minor setback can send me in a tizzy.
The week I was diagnosed with cancer I also got an unrelated eye infection. Here I was dealing with cancer but the only thing I was dwelling on was the fact I couldn’t wear my contacts lenses. I was a total spazz for the two weeks I had this minor eye infection.
My hair started falling out about 2.5 weeks after my first treatment. I had got it cut short a week or so before so it wouldn’t be that traumatic when it started showing up in the sink. When it started falling out, it did so rapidly so I just shaved it off. All in all, not nearly as emotional as I would have guessed.
As I tell people, it’s my Britney Spears look, circa the crazy years. I’m sporting a wig for work and ball caps for when I am just out and about. Interestingly enough, my leg hairs continue to grow. Of course, the one place where you want to lose hair you can’t.
The only other major symptom I am feeling is fatigue. It’s cumulative, so it gets worse every day. This has been the most frustrating for me. Maybe if I had been sick before it would be easier to embrace. However, I was full of energy, training for a marathon, chasing after two small kids and working. But now, I spend most nights on the couch, can’t work a full day and have to take breaks after spending short periods of time with my children. Annoying.
I watched the Boston Marathon yesterday. It’s hard to imagine that two years ago I was making the trek from Hopkinton to Boston. I wasn’t sure how watching the race would make me feel. However, if anything I was more determined than ever afterwards. I can’t wait to get off my butt, get back in shape and make that journey again. It really lit a fire in my belly and I can’t wait to beat this cancer into submission.
I am embarrassed to say that it has taken me 4 miles before I thanked all my supporters in this race. In all honesty, I have been so overwhelmed and humbled by the outpouring of love I haven’t known what to write. But the words came to me at 5AM this morning, and here they are:
THANK YOU to:
- Friends and family near and far, for letters, emails, phone calls, prayers and glasses of wine. Some of you I speak to daily and others I hadn’t spoken to in years, but the common thread is that your words uplift me every day.
- Chagrin Valley Mom’s Running Club for the meals every Monday. Each and every member has an amazing story and is an awesome woman, mom and runner.
- My neighbors for meals, babysitting and friendship. I live in great neighborhood and I know if I ever needed anything a half dozen hands would fly into the air instantaneously.
- My coworkers for letting me say I don’t need any help, pretending that I don’t need any help and then filling in for me when I do need help.
- My inlaws for their prayers and constant encouragement. While they live far away, I know they are with me in spirit. And they packed our freezer with food during Easter – score!
- My brother and sister-in-law for the babysitting, yard work and ice skating lessons for Dominic. They also live far away but have been with me every step of the way.
- My parents for laundry, babysitting, installing lights and being my personal slaves. They should be on a beach somewhere enjoying retirement. Instead, they are making weekly trips from Columbus to help us out.
- And lastly, but certainly not least, my incredible husband. It’s not easy caring for a sick, whiny wife, managing two small children, keeping a house running and working a demanding job. But he is getting it done with grace and ease. I am in awe.
Keep the focus!
Carmen
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Log: 2009.04.14
Activity: Pilates/stetching
Time: 20:00
Notes:
Whoo-hoo! Almost a real workout. I always consider 20 minutes as my "real" threshold. Less than 20 minutes of anything isn't considered exercise in my book. Of course, the 20 minutes I did today was a far cry from a 20 min tempo run, but I will take small wins when I can!
Time: 20:00
Notes:
Whoo-hoo! Almost a real workout. I always consider 20 minutes as my "real" threshold. Less than 20 minutes of anything isn't considered exercise in my book. Of course, the 20 minutes I did today was a far cry from a 20 min tempo run, but I will take small wins when I can!
Monday, April 13, 2009
Log: 2009.04.13
Activity: Pilates/stretching
Time: 15:00
Notes:
I stepped it up today using the stretch band for some resistance.
Time: 15:00
Notes:
I stepped it up today using the stretch band for some resistance.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Log: 2009.04.12
Activity: Pilates/stretching
Time: 10:00
Notes:
After the bone biopsy surgery my left knee swelled up a bunch and I lost most of my range of motion. So the orthopedist sent me to a physical therapist. However, I had a round of chemo before I went to PT and that magically cleared up my knee issues overnight. The day after chemo #1 I had full range of motion back.
I still went to PT and she basically confirmed that my ROM was totally fine. However, she did give me some exercises to strengthen my leg since I haven't used it since being on crutches. They were kind of lame so I asked her if I could do upper body lifting and pilates (non load bearing) which she ok'd. I also got ok'd for swimming.
So this was my first foray into any sort of exercise in over a month. I'll start slowly and hopefully get some muscle tone back soon.
Time: 10:00
Notes:
After the bone biopsy surgery my left knee swelled up a bunch and I lost most of my range of motion. So the orthopedist sent me to a physical therapist. However, I had a round of chemo before I went to PT and that magically cleared up my knee issues overnight. The day after chemo #1 I had full range of motion back.
I still went to PT and she basically confirmed that my ROM was totally fine. However, she did give me some exercises to strengthen my leg since I haven't used it since being on crutches. They were kind of lame so I asked her if I could do upper body lifting and pilates (non load bearing) which she ok'd. I also got ok'd for swimming.
So this was my first foray into any sort of exercise in over a month. I'll start slowly and hopefully get some muscle tone back soon.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Mile 3 of my Cancer Marathon
Mile 3 of the marathon is all business. It’s time to take off and throw to the side of the road the crappy old long sleeve t-shirt you were wearing to stay warm at the start. You are now flaunting a brand new technical-tee and a crisp race number and that instantly makes you feel like a real runner. You’ve successfully navigated the first water stop and hopefully managed not to spill too much Gatorade on yourself. And most importantly, you’ve settled into your goal pace and your legs are starting to respond to the familiar rhythm. It’s time to get serious about running this race.
I had my first chemo treatment on March 26. The basic routine is you get blood drawn at the lab, you go see your doc and then they move you into a private room where you will be the rest of the day.
The one thing that scared me the most about chemo was the chance I would have to sit around all day looking at sick people. I know that sounds both ludicrous and mean considering (a) I am sick (b) you are supposed to be nice to sick people (my mother taught me well). But, frankly, I’ve put myself in the mindset that I am happy and healthy and I didn’t want anything to shake that. So I was greatly relieved that I would have a private room for the day. No sickies for me :)
It is pretty cheesy but I ordered a yellow “Livestrong” Dri-fit shirt to wear to chemo. When I was in high-school and college I remember how good it would feel to put on a clean jersey on race morning. It would make me feel strong and capable and I wanted to replicate that feeling for my treatments. So my Livestrong shirt coupled with my Boston Marathon jacket has became my “Chemo uniform”.
Getting Chemo was very similar to the inductions I had for my sons’ births. They hook you up to an IV and you wait around for something to happen. It was actually better than an induction in that you could eat whatever you want instead of the ice chips and Valu-time popsicles that are the required staples of labor and delivery.
I had a great nurse who explained everything to me and made me feel very comfortable. Vince and I spent most of the day reading, watching tv and surfing the net. Other than the whole cancer part, it was like a mommy’s dream come true. Relaxing all day long with no temper-tantrums, bottles to make or floors to sweep – sign me up!
I never got sick, just a little queasy when we got home. However, they have great meds nowadays and that nipped it in the bud. I even rallied and hit book club later that evening.
The next day was a little tougher. The best way to describe it is “hung-over”. Not a half dozen shots of Tequila at a dive bar hung-over, more like 3 or 4 glasses of wine with girlfriends hung-over. My head was foggy and my stomach felt a little off and I had a compelling need to eat greasy foods and watch dumb shows on tv.
The second day I felt much better. I was a little tired but still very functional, my head was clear and my stomach was almost back to normal. I probably pushed it a little too much that day as I crashed that night. But all in all, it could have been much worse.
I returned to work on Monday with no problem. I am definitely more tired than usual but not crazy tired. Once again returning to the maternity analogy, it’s kind of a pregnancy tired. I can function during the day but I am whooped by the time dinner rolls around.
So that summarizes my first chemo treatment and the following week. I will write another installment soon detailing the “recovery” weeks between treatments, hair loss and other burning topics.
I started out writing about my experiences for several reasons including:
1. Communication with friends and family near and far - People have been asking how things were going and this has proven to be an effective and efficient way to reach people.
2. Therapy – As I write this, first in my head and then later on the computer, it’s really helped me understand my thoughts and feelings. I’m not a support group kind of gal so this has been very helpful to me.
3. History – My sons are too little to understand all of this now. However, some day I hope to share it with them so they can understand their mommy has another side than PB&J maker and time out giver.
One unexpected outcome of sharing my story is hearing from others who have also experienced major challenges in their life. The challenges range from raising twins (which still scares the hell out of me!) to having major heart surgery to dealing with the loss of a spouse or sibling.
All of these people were ordinary people who never thought they would have these obstacles in their life. But when presented with the challenge, they dug in and they overcame. It truly inspires me and gives me courage.
I’ve always felt that you never knew what you were capable of until you were presented with a challenge. I still believe that and now see that challenges come in two forms – those you choose (like running a marathon) and those that choose you (like having cancer). No matter the origin of your challenge, you ultimately become a stronger person by taking it on.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other!
I had my first chemo treatment on March 26. The basic routine is you get blood drawn at the lab, you go see your doc and then they move you into a private room where you will be the rest of the day.
The one thing that scared me the most about chemo was the chance I would have to sit around all day looking at sick people. I know that sounds both ludicrous and mean considering (a) I am sick (b) you are supposed to be nice to sick people (my mother taught me well). But, frankly, I’ve put myself in the mindset that I am happy and healthy and I didn’t want anything to shake that. So I was greatly relieved that I would have a private room for the day. No sickies for me :)
It is pretty cheesy but I ordered a yellow “Livestrong” Dri-fit shirt to wear to chemo. When I was in high-school and college I remember how good it would feel to put on a clean jersey on race morning. It would make me feel strong and capable and I wanted to replicate that feeling for my treatments. So my Livestrong shirt coupled with my Boston Marathon jacket has became my “Chemo uniform”.
Getting Chemo was very similar to the inductions I had for my sons’ births. They hook you up to an IV and you wait around for something to happen. It was actually better than an induction in that you could eat whatever you want instead of the ice chips and Valu-time popsicles that are the required staples of labor and delivery.
I had a great nurse who explained everything to me and made me feel very comfortable. Vince and I spent most of the day reading, watching tv and surfing the net. Other than the whole cancer part, it was like a mommy’s dream come true. Relaxing all day long with no temper-tantrums, bottles to make or floors to sweep – sign me up!
I never got sick, just a little queasy when we got home. However, they have great meds nowadays and that nipped it in the bud. I even rallied and hit book club later that evening.
The next day was a little tougher. The best way to describe it is “hung-over”. Not a half dozen shots of Tequila at a dive bar hung-over, more like 3 or 4 glasses of wine with girlfriends hung-over. My head was foggy and my stomach felt a little off and I had a compelling need to eat greasy foods and watch dumb shows on tv.
The second day I felt much better. I was a little tired but still very functional, my head was clear and my stomach was almost back to normal. I probably pushed it a little too much that day as I crashed that night. But all in all, it could have been much worse.
I returned to work on Monday with no problem. I am definitely more tired than usual but not crazy tired. Once again returning to the maternity analogy, it’s kind of a pregnancy tired. I can function during the day but I am whooped by the time dinner rolls around.
So that summarizes my first chemo treatment and the following week. I will write another installment soon detailing the “recovery” weeks between treatments, hair loss and other burning topics.
I started out writing about my experiences for several reasons including:
1. Communication with friends and family near and far - People have been asking how things were going and this has proven to be an effective and efficient way to reach people.
2. Therapy – As I write this, first in my head and then later on the computer, it’s really helped me understand my thoughts and feelings. I’m not a support group kind of gal so this has been very helpful to me.
3. History – My sons are too little to understand all of this now. However, some day I hope to share it with them so they can understand their mommy has another side than PB&J maker and time out giver.
One unexpected outcome of sharing my story is hearing from others who have also experienced major challenges in their life. The challenges range from raising twins (which still scares the hell out of me!) to having major heart surgery to dealing with the loss of a spouse or sibling.
All of these people were ordinary people who never thought they would have these obstacles in their life. But when presented with the challenge, they dug in and they overcame. It truly inspires me and gives me courage.
I’ve always felt that you never knew what you were capable of until you were presented with a challenge. I still believe that and now see that challenges come in two forms – those you choose (like running a marathon) and those that choose you (like having cancer). No matter the origin of your challenge, you ultimately become a stronger person by taking it on.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Mile 2 of my Cancer Marathon
The first mile of the marathon is chaotic with a crush of people weaving in and out trying to find a good position to run in. There’s apprehension about the enormity of the task ahead. And there’s a lot of self-doubt – did my training prepare me well enough? Will my body be able to handle 26.2 miles? Do I have the mental strength to stay focused the entire time?
During the second mile, things start to settle down. You find your lane to run in and immediately that’s one less worry. The pace is still uncomfortable but you know your training is strong and in a few short miles the pace will become familiar. The miles ahead still feel daunting but instead of apprehension you feel reverence for what you are about to do. It’s not every day that you run a marathon and you are determined to soak up the experience.
And so begins mile 2 of my cancer marathon…
I met my oncologist on Monday, March 16. He seemed like he knew what he was doing and did not appear to have obtained his medical degree online. So that was all good. Dr. Smith lined me up with a whole host of appointments including a bone marrow biopsy, blood tests, PET scan, CT scan, echocardiogram and a consult with an orthopedic doctor. He obviously thinks I have good insurance.
The bone marrow biopsy was easier than advertised. I would liken it to going to the dentist. Not pleasant but over pretty quick. The biggest difference is that you don’t get a free toothbrush and mini tube of toothpaste to take home.
The PET and CT were easy except for the nasty tracer solution they make you drink. It did a number on my stomach. My blood tests came back completely normal (did I mention my family jokes that I am the healthiest cancer patient in America?)
I was pretty apprehensive about the orthopedic visit. I’ve been an athlete since I was a little girl and it’s become part of who I am. Additionally, we are a pretty active family and we love to take the boys for hikes, bike rides, family runs, etc. I’ve been petrified that my life, and the life of my family, would be drastically different because of this cancer. I could accept limited mobility at 80, but not at 30.
Needless to say, I was beyond ecstatic when the orthopedist said that I would more than likely be able to run again once everything is over. It was like I was given part of my life back. The warm glow of this victory made up for the fact he wants me on crutches another 6-8 weeks. (If I were to break my leg now, the cancer could spread rapidly which is obviously a bad thing) I also have to go to physical therapy to get my range of motion back from the bone biopsy surgery.
At this point I should mention that everyone I have encountered at the Cleveland Clinic has been awesome from the doctors to the nurses to the valets who park your car. They treat everyone like a Rockstar. Speaking of which, did you see that Robin Williams is being treated at the Clinic currently? I looked for him but no luck.
The facilities are amazing too. The lobby of the Taussing Cancer Center looks like a 4 star hotel, complete with grand piano and free cappuccinos. Clevelanders have a lot to complain about – the weather, the economy, the river catching fire – but we are truly blessed with fine hospitals such as the Clinic and University Hospitals. In fact my only complaint thus far about the Clinic is that they block Facebook access on the free wireless network :)
I saw my oncologist again today. All my test results came back completely normal with the exception of the cancer in my femur bone. Because of this, he determined the prognosis to be Primary Bone Lymphoma.
Primary Bone Lymphoma is a rare form of Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. To give you an idea of how uncommon it is, the incidence rate of lymphoma is 1 in 4,466. Of those about 80 % are Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Of those, only 1-2% are Primary Bone Lymphomas (PBL). Normally lymphomas start in the lymph nodes. PBL starts in the bone.
Despite its obscurity, PBL is very treatable. According to bonecancer.org: “Lymphoma of bone has the best prognosis of all primary malignant bone tumors.“ (Who would have thought there was a website dedicated to bone tumors? Ah, the powers of Google)Here are some links to info about PBL:http://www.bonetumor.org/tumors/pages/page96.htmlhttp://lymphoma.about.com/od/nonhodgkinlymphoma/qt/bonelymphoma.htmhttp://emedicine.medscape.com/article/398308-overview
My treatment will be 3 rounds of chemo 3 weeks apart followed by radiation. For my medical and scientist friends, I will be on R-CHOP. Today was my first treatment which I well detail soon.
As far as I am concerned, I won the cancer lottery. Sure, chemo and radiation will suck but it’s a small price to pay. It could be a lot worse so I am very happy about the diagnosis.
It’s funny how your idea of what’s “good” changes. Before this all started, I thought having any cancer would be awful. When we thought I had osteosarcoma, or something like that, I was happy that it was a localized cancer and not spread from a cancer elsewhere such as the brain. When I found out I had Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, I was happy that it wasn’t osteosarcoma because the treatment for that can be pretty nasty. And now that I found out I have PBL, I am happy because that has a better prognosis than regular Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. For my running friends, I guess you could equate this with “A”, “B” and “C” goals.
So this is where I am. I know what’s in store for me now. I’m not totally comfortable with it yet but I know I can do it. Writing my story down, and sharing it with all of you, has helped me capture and organize my thoughts and I thank all of you for all your cheers from the sidelines. Mile marker 3 is coming soon…
During the second mile, things start to settle down. You find your lane to run in and immediately that’s one less worry. The pace is still uncomfortable but you know your training is strong and in a few short miles the pace will become familiar. The miles ahead still feel daunting but instead of apprehension you feel reverence for what you are about to do. It’s not every day that you run a marathon and you are determined to soak up the experience.
And so begins mile 2 of my cancer marathon…
I met my oncologist on Monday, March 16. He seemed like he knew what he was doing and did not appear to have obtained his medical degree online. So that was all good. Dr. Smith lined me up with a whole host of appointments including a bone marrow biopsy, blood tests, PET scan, CT scan, echocardiogram and a consult with an orthopedic doctor. He obviously thinks I have good insurance.
The bone marrow biopsy was easier than advertised. I would liken it to going to the dentist. Not pleasant but over pretty quick. The biggest difference is that you don’t get a free toothbrush and mini tube of toothpaste to take home.
The PET and CT were easy except for the nasty tracer solution they make you drink. It did a number on my stomach. My blood tests came back completely normal (did I mention my family jokes that I am the healthiest cancer patient in America?)
I was pretty apprehensive about the orthopedic visit. I’ve been an athlete since I was a little girl and it’s become part of who I am. Additionally, we are a pretty active family and we love to take the boys for hikes, bike rides, family runs, etc. I’ve been petrified that my life, and the life of my family, would be drastically different because of this cancer. I could accept limited mobility at 80, but not at 30.
Needless to say, I was beyond ecstatic when the orthopedist said that I would more than likely be able to run again once everything is over. It was like I was given part of my life back. The warm glow of this victory made up for the fact he wants me on crutches another 6-8 weeks. (If I were to break my leg now, the cancer could spread rapidly which is obviously a bad thing) I also have to go to physical therapy to get my range of motion back from the bone biopsy surgery.
At this point I should mention that everyone I have encountered at the Cleveland Clinic has been awesome from the doctors to the nurses to the valets who park your car. They treat everyone like a Rockstar. Speaking of which, did you see that Robin Williams is being treated at the Clinic currently? I looked for him but no luck.
The facilities are amazing too. The lobby of the Taussing Cancer Center looks like a 4 star hotel, complete with grand piano and free cappuccinos. Clevelanders have a lot to complain about – the weather, the economy, the river catching fire – but we are truly blessed with fine hospitals such as the Clinic and University Hospitals. In fact my only complaint thus far about the Clinic is that they block Facebook access on the free wireless network :)
I saw my oncologist again today. All my test results came back completely normal with the exception of the cancer in my femur bone. Because of this, he determined the prognosis to be Primary Bone Lymphoma.
Primary Bone Lymphoma is a rare form of Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. To give you an idea of how uncommon it is, the incidence rate of lymphoma is 1 in 4,466. Of those about 80 % are Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Of those, only 1-2% are Primary Bone Lymphomas (PBL). Normally lymphomas start in the lymph nodes. PBL starts in the bone.
Despite its obscurity, PBL is very treatable. According to bonecancer.org: “Lymphoma of bone has the best prognosis of all primary malignant bone tumors.“ (Who would have thought there was a website dedicated to bone tumors? Ah, the powers of Google)Here are some links to info about PBL:http://www.bonetumor.org/tumors/pages/page96.htmlhttp://lymphoma.about.com/od/nonhodgkinlymphoma/qt/bonelymphoma.htmhttp://emedicine.medscape.com/article/398308-overview
My treatment will be 3 rounds of chemo 3 weeks apart followed by radiation. For my medical and scientist friends, I will be on R-CHOP. Today was my first treatment which I well detail soon.
As far as I am concerned, I won the cancer lottery. Sure, chemo and radiation will suck but it’s a small price to pay. It could be a lot worse so I am very happy about the diagnosis.
It’s funny how your idea of what’s “good” changes. Before this all started, I thought having any cancer would be awful. When we thought I had osteosarcoma, or something like that, I was happy that it was a localized cancer and not spread from a cancer elsewhere such as the brain. When I found out I had Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, I was happy that it wasn’t osteosarcoma because the treatment for that can be pretty nasty. And now that I found out I have PBL, I am happy because that has a better prognosis than regular Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. For my running friends, I guess you could equate this with “A”, “B” and “C” goals.
So this is where I am. I know what’s in store for me now. I’m not totally comfortable with it yet but I know I can do it. Writing my story down, and sharing it with all of you, has helped me capture and organize my thoughts and I thank all of you for all your cheers from the sidelines. Mile marker 3 is coming soon…
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